Comment on Anime Writers by lily

Ive have been making anime storys but i do not draw good. Mostly romance to me they look good but my grammer may be bad but i would like an opinion of someone. If its good or bad or it just dosent make sense so here you go please if you read it post something back or email me……..i know its long sorry! if it gives you ideas then im happy><

Ghost With In
BAM (door opens) Mom: honey are you ready.
Rika: yes mom i am ive been ready….
Mom: be careful and eat lunch.
Rika: ok mom.
(leaving out of apt lives in 2ed floor to school)
Mind: Im not that preaty… i get laughed at… but i live on… but i am happy because im in love with the most wonderful guy ever. and i bet he loves me too his name is Nickish… he is very popular he is also my next door neighbor. he is very nice to me. he has aways made my days bright.
Female bunch: were are you runing too four eyes…
Rika: umm to Nickish
Female Bunch: o yeah you like him right.. "well he was looking for you too to tell you that he loves you to" (snickering)
Rika: really thanks.
(leaves to find nickish)
Female Bunch: what an idoit really she belive us whhat an idoit! hahahaha
Other Female: i know huh!
(when finally finds him is with friends)
Rika: Nickish! Nickish!
Nickish: (angery clams down put on a anglic face leaves friends to talk to Rika in private)
Yeah, what is it Rika?
Rika: i umm(blush) wanted to tell you that..
that im in L…L(b-Bump)…(b-Bump)
Nickish: if you dont got anything to tell me ill be leaving now.
Rika: NO wait i wanted to tell you that i…..i …..I LOVE YOU.
Nickish:(shudder went through his body) well i dont love you but we can still be friends right?
Rika: (tear rolls down her face…she wipes it off trying to act happy) y…yeah fine then.
Nickish: then ill be seeing you tomoro… see yeah then.
(in class she couldnt concrtrate replayin story in head and getting ideas not to give up on nickish and tell Nickish that she wont be giving up so easily…then gose home)
Rika: Im homeMom!
Mom:hey darling (kiss in cheek) glad your home.but i got bad news.
Rika: What is it?
Mom: your friend is leaving you know Nickish.. to his new home.
Rika: oh then im going to say good bye.
(leave out finds nickish)
Rika: hey Nickish before you leave i wanted to tell you that even though you dont love im not giving up on you.
Nickish: (starts to laugh) you dont get it dont you? i dont like you i never will.. iwasent your friend to begin with you idiot!
Rika: but but you were aways nice to me why?
Nickish: why… for the money of course why do you think…. your mom which loves you very much.. came to me giving me money to be your friend. isnt that sad. you cant get your own friends. but finnally im leaving this dump including you!
Rika: (staggers close to starirway) how could you i thought you were my friend i trusted you.
Nickish: god your face is Repulisve and those eye uhh get out the way (dosent nodice were he pushes her)
Rika falls down the 2ed floor is on the floor bleeding. blood spurting out her mouth she points at frighted Nickish saying "When you lest expect i will come to get you and make your life a living hell" Then her am falls and she dies her eyes looking straight at Nickish..(min later)
SIRENS YELLING
mother crying over Rika lifless body saying "shes not died…shes not died'" the abulance take her away telling the mother to prepare for a funeral.
her spirt is wacthin and all of suddend a bright lightt appears and she lifted up to the sky.
Rika: hello? …is any body there? (echos)
(something comes from foggines a angle holding a large book very mystical looking angle)
Angle: and how might you be?
Rika: Im Rika Uriou
(angle open book starts looking for her name an finally finds her)
Angle: it look like you were not suppost to die. I guess you did something differntly
(rika recalls her unamol thinking of not giving up and wonderss if that was it)
Angel: look it wasent your time so youll just have to wait.
Rika: how long will i have to wait? and ow was i supposed to die?
(angel glances back at book and looks at her and says)
Angel: it looks like you were supposed to die at the age 60 with a bunch cats living with you …yeah you were
Rika:T.T…..well i guess my life wasent that fun to begin with and i will never get vengance from Nickish how pushed me down. I wa away ugly to begin with and at the ame time i live in a ad fantasy that wound never come true… im really am an idiot..dipshit retared ass
(angel feels sorry for her and sees in the book that her life was misserable and she tried her best to be happy)
Angle: well we can do something "we could have retured you to your body but you put your organs to donation so ill just have to put you in differnt body.
Rika: Really! omg im so happy.
Angel: take my hand
(rika takes angle hand and leave off while leaving he said your not ugly but beautifull you just didnt know how to show it…he then takes her to a hospital.)
Angel:you must take her body she is going to die soon so you better take her know
Rika: thinks on what she is about to do…then jumps into the body when the soul leaves
(she wakess up the next day stubbles down the bathroom and sees that she has a beautifull face amazed she studies her knew face ….her parent walk in.)
Rika: um how are you
Parent M: we are yoour parent the doctor said that you would lose some of your meomory and we dont know if its coming back Iris.
Parent D: but you are going home today with us.
(car she gose in and gose to mansion house her dad has a multiy money company)
Iris: this is my house its so HUGE! i love it
(they walk with her to her room)
Iris: wow my room is huge too i love it!
Parents look at each other and suprised and say you aways said it was to samll
Iris: no its perfect i love it! hehe(=
Parents are happy to see there daughter smile.
(rika adventure off to her room…she starts her knew day at school)
Iris how once was Rika has changed on what she thiinks on boys that they are savages and she will never trust one.
As she comes out the limo everyone wacthes her of course she is nervous she nver felt that much eyes on her but she still gose to the same school that she use to go to. she knows practally everyone that made fun of her and espically Nickish which is her target. what is funny the whole time she was in the school she never knew about Iris existeince! of course she did not know that much all the time she was bullyed! keeps wallking to her locker then all of sudden this guy comes out he is very handsome and he wants to talk to her.
Handsome G: you know im not in that thing about marring you but just cause you plead me last time ill get marryed but in a codition to stay with any women that i want and do whateveri want you get it so i think thats a yes…. cause i know you been in love with me since i was elm(toches her hair)
Iris: First of all i dont even know you… 2ed. i would never agree to those idioct dumbass ideas.
3rd. i wounld neverfall in love with you, even if you were the last man alive i would rather die a virgen or marrry a dam monkey.
Handsome G: amazed and Dumbfound dosent know what to say and she leaves him.